The PenOpticon

Looks like I'm raiding YouTube again, but this is too good to miss.  Roy's lyrics would make Richard Dawkins grin like a chimp and they sure put a smile on my face.  There's a long preamble before he starts playing, but it's worth the wait — Zimmerman throws in some kick-ass Bluegrass licks, too. A true Evolutionary:

The stereotypical image of modern-day televangelists is so deeply embedded in North American culture, that it is hard to imagine how these hucksters continue to attract and keep followers. Today's Toronto Star expose of Toronto's Prayer Palace is a case in point.  This flying-saucer-shaped Prayer Palace sprawls over a large property at Finch Ave and Highway 400. The Star's investigation uncovered a pattern of shady business dealings, exposed the opulent lifestyle enjoyed by Pastor Paul Melnichuk and his twin sons, Tim and Tom (also pastors in the church), and illustrated the good intentions of a 3000-strong congregation that is largely ignorant of the fact that they are being duped.

While the Star's coverage suggests this "church" does little in the way of charity work, it has nothing to say about the group's methods or the content of its services. For this information we turn to the Ship of Fools, a site that employs "mystery worshippers" to rate churches — sort of a Consumer Report on places of worship. The Ship of Fools review of the Toronto Prayer Palace is less then glowing and includes this slightly menacing episode:

What happened when you hung around after the service looking lost?
As the three-hour mark approached and the altar call and second offering were announced, I left, so I really can't say. But I was doing double-duty at the Prayer Palace that Sunday. Not only was I worshipping mysteriously, but I was doing a review for a popular television program that spotlights spirituality in contemporary Canada. When I returned with the crew to film my piece on the sidewalk outside the church, we were shadowed by several church members and interrupted several times by a rather large and imposing usher. A car drove from the church and parked behind our cars for a few minutes; I thought I saw someone in the car take down our license plate numbers. These people were not at all pleasant and obviously strove to make us uncomfortable. Frankly, they gave me the creeps; my producer actually feared for our (and our camera's) safety.

Creepy, for sure, but then the prospect of spending three hours a week in a place like the Prayer Palace, sounds like hell to me. So why even bother to waste keystrokes on a story like this. After all, if people really want to give a tenth of their income to help support the Melnichuk lifestyle, then that is their choice.  However, as a tax payer, I want more accountability from churches and other charitable organizations. Let them all file a quarterly report detailing the amounts received and spent. If money is being diverted merely for the pleasure of the pastors, revoke their status as a charitable group and let them pay taxes. Can I get an Amen on that?

I like Jon Stewart as much as the next person. Actually, I probably enjoy Jon Stewart wayyy more than you do. But apparently there are some who hold Stewart in higher esteem than I thought possible. For a bit of a chuckle, you should check out www.JonStewartIsGod.Com, a site devoted to the notion that Jon Stewart is God and they’ve got an  “immaculate” devotional song to prove it.

One problem with promoting Jon Stewart to God is the fact that we already know that Joe Pesci is god — according to George Carlin — and is worthy of our prayers. In his brilliant monologue on religion, Carlin notes that he personally worships the sun, but prays to Joe Pesci. Here’s why:

You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he’s a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn’t fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with.

For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog, Joe Pesci straightened that cocksucker out with one visit. It’s amazing what you can accomplish with a simple baseball bat.

So I’ve been praying to Joe for about a year now. And I noticed something. I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don’t. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit’s foot, same as the Mojo Man, same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat’s testicles, it’s all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.

I think Carlin has it right: worship the sun, but pray to Joe Pesci or just about anyone and anything — including Jon Stewart. In any case, I doubt that Stewart and Pesci will duke it out to see who is really the Supreme Being. But wouldn’t that be something?

I know I shouldn’t say anything bad about the Pope, although technically I’m half Catholic, so I suppose I have some small right to tear a strip off the old guy. In his defence, however, at least he has appologized. It’s a few days and a few riots too late, but speaking from the balcony of his summer palace, Pope Benedict finally distanced himself from the controversial text of Manuel II Paleologos.

Sure, he was making a valid point: that religious extremism always perverts the message it pretends to promote. What is truly distressing, however, is that the Pope felt the need to prove his point by quoting a 14th century text critiquing Islamic fundamentalism. He could just as easily have picked — oh I don’t know — the Spanish Inquisition (though no one would have expected that!). Or the Crusades. Or the genocides committed against the Incas and the Aztecs by “good” Catholic Conquistadors. Then there is the small matter of the global epidemic of pedophile priests — admittedly a different kind of extremism. See the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP) for the latest in this heart-wrenching travesty.

Instead, the Infallible, Unflappable Pope made a little boo boo. But why? Was he deliberately turning a blind eye to the very rich history of Catholic extremism?  Or, as learned man, was he demonstrating scholarship by cadging an obscure example from a Byzantine emperor?  Whatever his reasons, it smacks of poor judgement.  Although some fundamentalist Islamic groups have already responded with violence, let us hope they quickly see that this is a Pope who simply needs to be ignored. Millions of westerners — including good Catholics — do this every day.

Of course the vast majority of Westerners also simply ignore the anti-western, anti-semetic ravings of people like Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Few westerners would waste a perfectly good weekend rioting over anything he has to say. So today is a good day for all good Western Secularists and Islamic Fundamentalists to stay home, put your feet up and relax with a good book, or maybe take a nice long walk to see how the fall migration is coming along — just leaving now for the Leslie Street Spit!

Since my earlier rant about God and the Indonesia earthquake, I’ve stumbled upon Jonathan Sacks’ piece on the 2005 Tsunami. It is as relevant to the current disaster as it was on Dec 25, 2005 when the Asian Tsunami took so many lives.