The PenOpticon

Apparently Chinese scientists have "succeeded" in implanting electrodes into the brains of pigeons in order to  remotely control their flight. Does this mean we should now be wary of pigeons carrying cameras or tiny pieces of plutonium?  Is that white splotch on your shoulder pigeon shit or anthrax? Scary stuff.

But can we even trust the authenticity of this particular atrocity? After all, this Xinhua news agency story was fed to Reuters, filtered into English, bounced 10 thousand miles around the planet and then regurgitated in CNN's "Offbeat News" feed.  If true, this momentous leap for science took place at the Robot Engineering Technology Research Centre at Shandong University of Science and Technology. There is even a quote from the lead 12-year-old animal torturer/scientist:

"It's the first such successful experiment on a pigeon in the world," Xinhua quoted the center's chief scientist, Su Xuecheng, as saying. 

Perhaps this misguided, waste of time is a symbol of what is going on in China these days: rampant pollution, out of control growth, human rights abuses, a tanking stock market. Maybe I don't really believe that — I'm just goofing around. China is a big, complex place, with plenty of scientific resources that can be used for good as well as for sci-fi horror purposes. Perhaps the Chinese were just responding to America's own efforts in the remote-controlled animal race. A casual Google search for "American remote-controlled animals" yields this website, a site which details that country's long and checkered history of using remote-controlled "spy animals" for combat and national security. An excerpt:

The American spy cow is the newest addition to a series of radio controlled robotic farm animals which were developed by Armorobotech Weapons, Inc. for the US Army's Military Farm Animal Operations Program or MFAOP to innocently walk into enemy territory where they would be mistaken for real harmless farm animals. The program was first used during the gulf war when explosive chickens were used to attack people and buildings in enemy cities. After the war MFAOP was used by the FBI to track down and chase dangerous criminals. In 1994 a mechanical race horse chased a convicted murderer from the scene of a fatal hostage situation for an hour and a half before he finally collapsed from exhaustion. The Animals were also used for rescue purposes. In 1993 a team of 5 Mechanical Ducks rescued a five year old from the raging waters during the Great Mississippi River Flood. After the Oklahoma City bombing skinny tom cats were used to search through the rubble for survivors. Since the Gulf war 42 different species of farm animals have been developed for various uses. 

Clearly, American science has been quite creative in putting remote-controlled animals to work. In contrast, the Chinese report "did not specify what practical uses the scientists saw for the remote-controlled pigeons". May I humbly suggest there can only be two uses for this technology: fiction and satire. And I'm afraid that when it comes to remote-controlled animals, the Yanks may well be winning the satirical race.

Between work and the weather it’s been hard to find a spare minute to post this past week, but I did manage to listen to Richard Dawkins’ intriguing lecture on the Strangeness of Science on CBC’s Ideas. I haven’t read Dawkin’s The God Delusion, yet,  but it’s definitely on the list.  Now that you are thinking about the Supreme Being, have a gander at Mr. Deity’s hilarious and clever take on the problem of God and evil:

From the looks of it, Mr.Deity, deserves to become an ongoing series, though so far there are just four episodes on YouTube. Between The Daily Show’s "This Week" in God and our collective memory of  Dana Carve’s Church Lady, I don’t know  if the world of Godless Secular Humanist comedy can find room for Mr. Deity’s cosmic humour. But it should.

He’s packed his trunks. He’s branching out. He’s taking a bough. Can you twig it? Jesus is appearing in trees around the world and bringing comfort to the faithful everywhere.  At least, this is what we learn from CNN’s recent video expose: Jesus in a tree? Neighbors say Lord, yes.  I hope the good Lord will forgive me for wondering why this was not presented as "OffBeat News", a section which currently wants us to know that:

• Robots may soon demand independence
• Typo lands tourist 8,000 miles from destination
• Snow for sale on eBay

On the other hand, Jesus doesn’t make the news on CNN as often as Britney or Paris, so I suppose when the Saviour of the World appears in the gnarled bark of a tree in Florida, we really need to know about it.  Besides, it seems Jesus really likes trees (as long as you forgive Him for that odd fig tree cursing episode). In recent years, the Lord has been seen in a silver maple in Rochester, New York. He has appeared in a big ‘ole tree in Milwaukee and also in an old growth tree in Quincy, Illinois.  Since this is a world tour, you can also find Christ in Sussex, England, grimacing from the bark of  a Burgess Hill Hawthorn tree.  It’s difficult to keep up with the Lord’s travel schedule, although the "Look! It’s Jesus" folks gave it a good try a few years back.

For the record, I have never seen Jesus in a tree and don’t expect to, but there is a wonderful place (ironically situated next to Ontario’s Pickering Nuclear Generating Station called Home Place. Home Place was created by Pickering artist, Dorsey James and features numerous tree faces and animal carvings from mythology and nature. I took these photos a few years ago when we happened upon them unexpectedly. It was a revelation!

While I’ve never been on any of the official guest lists, I’ve witnessed my share of state funerals through the magic of live television: JFK, MLK, Bobby Kennedy, Trudeau, Reagan, et al.   Over the years, the "state funeral" has become a fusion of church and state. In other words, it has become a machine that manufactures images and sound bites for political gain. These solemn occasions give the living political elite a once in a lifetime chance to celebrate the deceased while sharing (basking, wallowing, snuffling, rolling around) in the unending praise and glory they heap upon their predecessors. When the corpses of the mighty are flown across the country, and wheeled about for visitation and viewing, the living can always find the right words to turn a stiff into a lucky talisman.

Whose Lying in State Now?

The death of Gerald Ford is probably a more extreme example, because Cheney, Rumsfeld and Bush senior got their first big political breaks while working for him. And so the praises pour forth:

• President Bush’s father called Mr. Ford “a Norman Rockwell painting come to life”
• Tom Brokaw, the former television anchor, described “Citizen Ford” as a “champion of Main Street values”
• Henry A. Kissinger said the man he served as secretary of state “had the virtues of small-town America.”

Now, I’m sure Ford was a nice guy. After all, he helped get Canada into the G8 club and put the wheels in motion to grant amnesty to American draft dodgers. I’m not so sure pardoning Nixon was such a good idea, but that’s just the kinda guy he was — unless there really was a deal to let Nixon off the hook in exchange for his sudden departure (and Ford’s rapid promotion).  But Gerald and Betty Ford were complicated people. They claimed to have welcomed gays into the Republican fold and to support pro-choice and gay marriage. I wonder if George W was thinking about such things when recently uttered these words:

"Gerald Ford distinguished himself as a man of integrity and selfless dedication," Bush said. "He always put the needs of his country before his own, and did what he thought was right, even when those decisions were unpopular. Only years later would Americans come to fully appreciate the foresight and wisdom of this good man."

No doubt Bush was sincere in his praise, but he may also have been grasping at Ford’s glory, hoping to rub some of that "foresight and wisdom" onto his own hind end.

That’s such a cynical, horrible thought to have so early in the new year (though not as cheerless as Pat Robertson’s recent prognostications about an unpleasant "I’m not necessarily saying it’s going to be nuclear" 2007).  Still, I think I’ve lost my faith in the sanctity of a good ‘ole state funeral.  After all, in the U.S., such events tend to occur at the "Washington National Cathedral",a  structure whose very name rings with officialdom (as if it is run by the U.S. Dept. of Religious Affairs).  While I did just make that up, I did not make up the fact that that this church features a gargoyle carved in the likeness of Darth Vader. What is that about?  An apolitical ploy to get children to come to church or a not-so-veiled reference to Ronald Reagan’s original Star Wars program?  I’m not sure what George Lucas thinks about carving Darth Vader’s head on the Washinton National Cathedral, but it ought be a crime to exploit the dead for quick political gain. Even a man as magnanimous as Gerald Ford might not be willing to pardon someone who is guilty of that crime.

On the Northern Afront

It turns out there are currently three remaining Canadian veterans of the first world war still living, all of them over 105 years old. The Canadian government recently approved a plan to hold a state funeral for the last one to survive. But it turns out that none of the three survivors want to be part of a political circus. I salute and commend Lloyd Clemett (106 years of age), John Babcock (106 years of age) and Dwight Wilson (105 years of age) for their wisdom in this matter. I do remember meeting WWI veterans at a Remembrance Day service in public school many years ago. I had no understanding of that war (and not much more to this day), but I was in awe of those old warriors who stood straight and proud on that cold November day.

Considering that Stephen Harper’s last "tribute" to Canada’s veterans looks more like a propaganda/recruitment video,  our remaining WWI veterans are right to stay clear of Harper’s media machine. They fought for freedom all those years ago, let them enjoy it.

After seeing Borat on the Daily Show last week, I was not tempted to plonk down cash money to see the movie. But then I started reading about the law suits and learned that Russia is planning to ban it. And we were a little bored and needed to get out tonight so we headed up to the local theatre to watch Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. In other words, you us Borat — ya got $14.90, anyhow. So what is there to say about this movie? It is hilarious, but most of the time it is uncomfortably hilarious — and all too often it is like watching an Abu Gharaib prison video. Despite the title, Borat has very little to say about American culture: New Yorkers don’t like strangers kissing them on the subway. Southerners like their prayer palaces. Texans like rodeos. Everyone knows who Pamela is and apparently, anyone, can be on TV if they really want to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With out challenging it, Barat gives us a bland, escapist America that is hedonistic and inward looking and he reflects a full spectrum of racism, sexism, homophobia and ignorance that is intended (one imagines) to mirror the American psyche.

But Borat is pushing more than American buttons. Apparently Kazakhstan may sue the makers of the movie because of its negative portrayal of that country. Russia may ban it completely. Meanwhile a Turkish web star claims to to be the inspiration for Borat’s character and wants recognition and cash. To bring the surreality of this film full circle, several American frat boys who make racist and sexist comments in the movie are now suing to have their scenes cut. It’s only a movie boys — we’ve already forgotten you.

So what is Borat really trying to tell us? Clearly, the movie is very unkind to the good people of Kazakhstan, but the racial humor is so over the top that no one can take it seriously. On the other hand, as a work of satire, Borat barely scratches the comedic surface of American “Cultural Learning” and in the end it fails to challenge the over-protected, over-medicated, self-indulgent, hyper-consuming society in which we live. Except for this: in the middle of a fancy dinner party Borat excuses himself to use the washroom and then returns dangling a plastic bag containing his own feces. Earlier in the movie he defecates in a public garden in Manhattan. What’s really going on here? Both literally and figuratively it seems that Borat is shitting on America — and audiences are eating it up. So don’t sweat the small stuff of Borat’s insults, Kazakhstan — you got off easy.

Of course nothing about this movie is really all that easy. Borat does make it back home after all and he brings part of America home with him: a new iPod and a new wife. So we end the movie with a flourish of cultural globalization and a cute product placement for Apple?

Please can me help make a learning about this movie, Borat? I have feeling it is not getting me.